Conflicting Needs

Many marriage difficulties exist simply because of conflicting needs and even perceived needs.  A man is around people all day at work and wants to be alone when he gets home.  A wife is away from her husband all day and needs companionship so she wants to be around him – with him – when he gets home.  The man loves his wife, but needs alone time.  The wife loves her husband and doesn’t want to be away from him.  She needs the house to be neat or have the pictures hung on the wall a certain way.  When he thinks about it, he may realize that he really doesn’t care where the pictures are hung or even if they are hung up.  So, he can let go of that imagined need or the need to be right – to have control – in this instance.  He needs to have the leftovers all put on the top shelf in the refrigerator where they can be easily seen and not forgotten about.  She doesn’t care where the leftovers are put, so she puts them anywhere in the fridge where they fit – or look the nicest.  She may need to see the importance of having all the leftovers in plain view on the top shelf because the leftovers have a tendency to be forgotten when they are hidden in the back and then, when they are finally discovered, they have all gone bad and can’t be eaten.  He doesn’t spend his time working so the food he buys can just sit and go bad.  Conflicting needs can be easily resolved if we are simply aware of these differences.  Someone will have to understand this – to see it happening and why – and someone will have to give in or change their habits for the benefit of the other.  Maybe the man can postpone his alone time until an hour after he gets home.  Maybe the wife can let him be alone for an hour when he gets home.  Maybe the man can search for the leftovers every time he opens the fridge.  Or rearrange the fridge after every meal – all without nagging or grumbling.  Maybe the wife can help put the leftovers all in one place in the first place.  We are not our own after marriage.  We have to limit our self-indulgences; no longer can we think of our needs only as we did when we were single.  The Good News about this is we are not limited to only “enjoying” these forces that oppose our wants.  But because we are married, there is a whole list of other things that we can enjoy that we couldn’t when we were single.  Relationship, companionship, intimacy, friendship, council, protection, help… I think what God gives us in marriage, far outweighs the little things the enemy tries to drag us down with.  Don’t fall for the enemy’s little tricks.  See the bigger God picture.  Be a mature man, be a mature woman, and love your spouse.